Every exit line is an entry

“There’s a trick to the 'graceful exit.' It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over — and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving up, rather than out.” 

I turned 23 this week. I'll be honest and say I've felt 23 for awhile now, but finally having the day roll around makes it official. I had prepared myself for the fact that a birthday on the road would be hard - anyone who knows me knows how much I love birthdays - but I was still taken aback by how difficult it was. Being in a strange state surrounded by not a soul who knows you can be rough on a day when you're supposed to feel special. Regardless the women of Theta Beta were so sweet to help me celebrate, and I thank them for the text messages, the birthday cake, and for the safe keeping of the package my mom was sure to ship all the way to South Carolina. Special thanks to you too, Mom :)

But I was also surprised. Who called me on my birthday to make sure I knew while today would be hard, there were people out there who were thinking of me? Two consultant sisters. I was aware this job had collided me together with 9 strangers from across the country due to a shared experience that no one else could understand; but how fitting that it be them, who have never celebrated a birthday with me in all my 23 years, be the ones that take the time to call. Distance really does teach you some things.

At present I am wheels up for my final visit between me and setting foot in Portland again for the first time since January! Then one visit to CT, a wrap-up and goodbye tour in Philly, a week in ATL and a long-awaited reunion with all the ADPi LCs, and then that's it. Over. Done. Finito.

It's crazy to me that something I have poured so much in to can be done, just like that. A title that for all intensive purposes has  become my identity this year ("Hi, I'm Kashia. I'm The LC") will fall away as I transition back in to the 'real' world with my friends and family in the place I call home. 

 

Speaking of home - if you happen to be in the PDX airport later this week, keep an eye out for a 20-something with two pieces of luggage half her size sprinting (as best as possible, the aforementioned luggage makes things difficult) out of the airport. That'll be me. Can't wait to see you soon, #BestCoast!

The could haves, the should haves, and the would haves

It's 7 months in to this crazy adventure, and about 4 more to go. 

Have I had some wonderful times this semester? Absolutely. But have their also been some challenges? You bet.

I think the most interesting side of the consultant position is the side that is least often shared - the sleepless nights, the chapters who you maybe don't connect with, and the times you want to beat your head against the wall because again, despite your best efforts, the group just isn't getting it. "We're different." "XYZ University is just really unique." Uh-huh, sisters. You got it. 

So then, I stop and think about me. If I wasn't here, in whatever random state I happen to be in this week, where would I be? What job would I be working, what friend would I be seeing on the weekend, what guy would I be dating? And therein lie the hardest facts - because I can fill them in. I can see them. And I can be there. But am I? Heck no. I'm about 2,500 miles off, to be exact..

I'm not living for me, this year. That's the truest of truths. I'm not working off my own agenda, fulfilling my own needs, or dictating my own growth. I'm living for you - the sister who needs to stay up and talk about her problems at home, who doesn't have a good role model to seek after, and who has never been apart of something bigger than herself. I'm formulating my thoughts, sentences, and actions around you. 

So I'll be honest. Faced with these hard facts, and realzing that the lives of those I care about at home don't stop every time I leave the state just as mine does, I asked myself: what am I getting out of this experience? I feel as if I am constantly giving so. much. So what am I recieving in return?

And finally, admist the long day and the roller coaster of emotions, it dawned upon me:

I have gained more than I thought possible.

I have gained friendships that overcome the miles.

I have gained sisters who understand what I need in a moment, without having to question me.

I have gained mentors who sincerely want to see me succeed, and will go out on any limb to help me get there.

I have gained women who will open their homes to me merely because I share a sorority affiliation.

And I have gained a support system and a mutual understanding that has developed despite age, distance, time zone, or region.

So has this year been rough? Absolutely. But have I learned more about myself, and about the kindess of others, than I ever expected? You. bet.

I'm about to hop on a plane and head back to the great state of Virginia (land of Cookout, what's not to love) and then, in just 3 short days, I'll be West Coast bound for some much needed RR&R (rest, relaxation and reconnecting) in Seattle! 

Until then, you can catch me in Farmville. Yes, it is a real place - you're just as surprised as I am.