The could haves, the should haves, and the would haves

It's 7 months in to this crazy adventure, and about 4 more to go. 

Have I had some wonderful times this semester? Absolutely. But have their also been some challenges? You bet.

I think the most interesting side of the consultant position is the side that is least often shared - the sleepless nights, the chapters who you maybe don't connect with, and the times you want to beat your head against the wall because again, despite your best efforts, the group just isn't getting it. "We're different." "XYZ University is just really unique." Uh-huh, sisters. You got it. 

So then, I stop and think about me. If I wasn't here, in whatever random state I happen to be in this week, where would I be? What job would I be working, what friend would I be seeing on the weekend, what guy would I be dating? And therein lie the hardest facts - because I can fill them in. I can see them. And I can be there. But am I? Heck no. I'm about 2,500 miles off, to be exact..

I'm not living for me, this year. That's the truest of truths. I'm not working off my own agenda, fulfilling my own needs, or dictating my own growth. I'm living for you - the sister who needs to stay up and talk about her problems at home, who doesn't have a good role model to seek after, and who has never been apart of something bigger than herself. I'm formulating my thoughts, sentences, and actions around you. 

So I'll be honest. Faced with these hard facts, and realzing that the lives of those I care about at home don't stop every time I leave the state just as mine does, I asked myself: what am I getting out of this experience? I feel as if I am constantly giving so. much. So what am I recieving in return?

And finally, admist the long day and the roller coaster of emotions, it dawned upon me:

I have gained more than I thought possible.

I have gained friendships that overcome the miles.

I have gained sisters who understand what I need in a moment, without having to question me.

I have gained mentors who sincerely want to see me succeed, and will go out on any limb to help me get there.

I have gained women who will open their homes to me merely because I share a sorority affiliation.

And I have gained a support system and a mutual understanding that has developed despite age, distance, time zone, or region.

So has this year been rough? Absolutely. But have I learned more about myself, and about the kindess of others, than I ever expected? You. bet.

I'm about to hop on a plane and head back to the great state of Virginia (land of Cookout, what's not to love) and then, in just 3 short days, I'll be West Coast bound for some much needed RR&R (rest, relaxation and reconnecting) in Seattle! 

Until then, you can catch me in Farmville. Yes, it is a real place - you're just as surprised as I am.